my mama & billy graham.

today i watched the most famous evangelist Billy Graham's last and final message to america. all my life my mom has read his messages and he has influenced her life for many years. if you dont know yet, my mom has been saved for 32 years. i've been alive for only 17 of those years, and i can see how big of an impact he has had on her.

today as i watched his message i could see alot of my mom in him.
they both beleive very much in the cross and it's power.
& no matter how old they both get, they still continue to lead people to the lord. they're both truly remarkable.

i didn't always see this right away though.
just recently i had to remind my mother that im going to be 18 years old, and have always lived in a single parent home. i was on my mom's case anxious and telling her i need a daddy before i became a legal adult or my childhood would be ruined forever.

little did i know, i already had a daddy.
a daddy who lives forever, who never gives up on me, and who loves me unconditionally.
my mom had been with him for so long, yet i was blind to see it.
his name is God.

im grateful for the daddy my mom has put in my life.
he's my role model, and though i may stumble at times, he's always there to pick me up <3
i've also been blessed with an amzing church and people to back me up.

so thank you mom. for the people who have came in my life, and for introducing me to the one man who loves me most.

i encourage you to watch Billy Grahams last message.
your life will be changed forever, and you'll live happier than ever.

why i do what i do.

having a chronic illness changes every aspect of your life. 
For example, today my counsler and teacher came to my house to discuss graduation .
I'm far behind, and since I can't go to school, its more than likely I won't graduate with my class. 
Bummer yes. My original plan before I got sick was to enter the ROC program for teachers assistant along with 8th period.
Of course, that went all down the drain this summer.
I'm thinking about going to discovery, but its hard to make a decision because I want to graduate with my class but I can't :/

more than my education is affected though.
The way I do my makeup as well.
I now were face makeup whenever I go out because I'm so pale.
I wear red lipstick because somehow my lip color went away too? 
I carry a purse everywhere, not because I have money but I need to carry salty snacks and powerade to keep me from fainting. 
So if it seems as if I'm trying to make a fashion statement I'm not hahah c; 
Believe me, I wish I didn't have to do what I do. 

Having dystautonomia is tricky..
I'm okay though I'm just happy I'm alive. 
Now you see all the methods to my madness!(:

(:

I can't sleep and its almost 1 in the morning.

a great symptom of POTS.

you know, I'm starting to notice my symptoms more and more now as I get more familiar with my desiese.

for one, I look so pale.
sickly almost, its kinda ugly.
I'm always thirsty.
no matter how much gatorade I drink, its never enough for this bod. I live my day minute by minute.
the way I feel changes constantly.

for instance, the other day I stood up to help my mom and then it felt as if my body slowed down and my heart was ahead of the race.

I passed out for 35 mins with the whole family trying to revive me.

POTS does everything but make life easier.

I'm tired.
tired of drinking gatorade.
tired of looking sick.
tired of getting IV's every 4 days.
tired of explaining it to people.

but it doesn't matter.
I have to live with this the rest of my life, and I will.

easy or not, I have God by my side to help me <3

getting better (:

if you've followed me throughout my journey you know its been filled with hopes. 

the hope to run one day.
the hope to repay everyone who has helped me.
the hope to regain everything I've lost.
but most of all, the hope to help those who are just like me.

i'm happy to say i am running again. of course, not as good as i used to be but i'm determined to get back to it. i understand everything takes work, and i'm willing to do what it takes. 

unfortunately , i haven't regained everything.

i'm still on home studies. hopefully when i get my new medication, it'll do me wonders and ill be able to go back to school.

sometimes i still feel sick, and believe it or not, i can feel when my blood isn't flowing well through my veins. it's painful to say the least, but definitely nothing compared to how it was in the beginning. 

im grateful because i've come a long way through my journey. i feel a little bit normal now, not so sick.

sometimes i forget i have a chronic illness. 

then there are the days where i can't seem to forget. 

well the one person i owe all my thank you's to are God. without him i wouldn't have come this far, or gained the support i did. my situation is life long, but livable. 

oh yea, and i cant forget my momma.

shes the one who takes care of me when i'm literally down.

who rub's my legs to get my blood going, and of course the one who hasn't backed down no matter how hard it's gotten. 

thank you<3 

not feelin it ..

so if you follow me, you know I've been on a 34 day streak of not fainting or feeling sick at all.

well that all came to an end today. I was just walking around my house, and then i had to open the door for my grandma. as I walked over I had to catch myself on the couch & then lay down because it felt as if my whole body slowed down.

of course, with my grandma being old and mexican she thought I just didn't want to help her! haha, gotta love her :p

anyways, since we learned that my fainting is due to the lack of blood flow from the veins in my legs to my heart, my mom raised my legs up on the couch and rubbed them for me.

sounds silly huh? well it is.
I'm disappointed to say the least. so much emotion ran through me, I cried a little yea, but I wiped them away and smiled when I was able to get up.

I was sad, it seemed as though my summer flashed through my head. the summer of the hospital and constant ER trips. I'm just scared its going to happen again..

but God was by my side and he reminded me that he is not a God of fear. he's taken it away and replaced it with hope.

I couldn't do it without him <3
hopefully things only go up from here!

finally, a break!

so i haven't updated you guys in a while, so here it goes(: as you know i passed my stress test and i'm now able to do exercise. for others, this might not be so exciting, but before this whole "incident" happened ,working out was my life. yep you guessed it, i got my life back.

i now workout everyday. of course not my usual 34 miles of running a week, but i'm determined to make my way up there. i've completed a full week, and in about one more i'll be able to jog. i can't wait <3 

besides that, good news is, i haven't had an episode in almost 3 weeks! (: no words can explain how this makes me feel, beyond words. God really has been good to me. i feel normal now, still a little worried though.

yes i passed my first test, but i have another in about 2 weeks. this will determine what i really have. whatever it may be, whether it be POTS or a sleeping order , i know i can take it on. my life isn't easy, but i take it day by day. 

i'm just happy that's all i can say <3(: 

thanks for all your prayers & encouragement, especially to all those that bless me with the foods and drinks i need. your wonderful! 

XOXO, olympasss. 

cardiologist results!

so today as you know i went to see my cardiologist. i took a stress test where i had to exercise with a heart rate box on me. i looked like a robot! :b

as i worked out, my doctor was looking at my heart rate and how it reacted to what i was doing. it was a 20 minute process, which seemed long because i was anxious to get my results. ok im lying, i was just dying! thats how bad i wanted to hear them. i knew it would give me insight on my condition.

when the doctor finally spoke , he said i had passed the test.

my heart is normal. i can exercise, and i may not have POTS.

im shocked to say the least. he thinks i may have a sleeping disorder, but possibly POTS because my symptoms copy many of dystautonomia.

after 2 months of being cautious, and keeping my hopes of running one day , it finally paid off.

my process will be slow, but i will be able to run soon. i feel like as if i got part of my life back! words can explain it. im happy now, and whatever it may be that causes me to feel sick, dr.banks will find my answer.

i have one more test to take untill next month to get one step closer to finding out whats wrong. untill then , i wait to get aprroved for a doctor in UCLA, now isnt that fancy?(;

IM HAPPY<3

thanks for all your prayers and support, it means alot, i appreciate each and everyone of you(:

wish me luck on starting up my fitness again! until next time; olympasss.

SPOOKY .-.

Friday the 13th

So todays Friday the 13th as you know. everybody's filled with spooky myths, and the fear of stepping on any cracks to avoid "breaking their mamas back". I'm sure you've heard plenty of stories today, and dread to hear yet another.

luckily for you, i dont know any worth telling. but i do know that though today is scary, and so is life. 

it can have it's ups and downs. times of peace, and times of fear. sometimes we often find ourselves walking on eggshells hoping nothing too "scary" will happen. 

well fear not, God is on our side. 

yes, we may not understand why things are happening and it may seem anything but pleasant, but we should all walk through this life with fearless attitudes as if we were untouchable. 

the only thing that can bring us down is ourselves, and that should be a little scary to all of us. we are all capable of acheiving great things, but it is up to us if we do it or not. live your life without the word CANT, and you'll get far.

i myself have had to learn to stop bringing myself down. especially with POTS, there's an endless world of "i cant" that i could explore. but i choose not to. i will not be my own enemy.

everything's all about attitude, and i've learned that the hard way. 

so enjoy your Friday the 13th, thanks for reading(:

my lucky phone call

so today i got the lucky call. i have an appointment with my cardiologist this coming monday! i am so excited beleive it or not.
 ill be taking a stress test in which i will be put to do exercise, and my lucky doctor will get to view my heart , and how it reacts to such activity. this will give him a great idea on how much i can do and more on my desiese.
 im kinda secretly hoping i'll need a pacemaker so i can get back to doing my daily workouts. since i've been diagnosed 2 months ago, i havent been able to do any exercise, kind of a bummer.-.
another bummer, i know i wont be able to do what i used to for workouts. i'll have to slow it down, but i dont care, as long as i can get my beyonce back haha(;
 oh my lifes bittersweet! but im just happy im alive. lets see what happens, and maybe i'll get a good phone call soon after?
keep me in your prayers<3 thank yoooou, XOXO alwaays. 

your drama, my life.

as you know, with everything there's good and bad.

positive opinions and negative.

well as you can imagine I get those comments about my life with POTS.

some say I'm faking it.
to some its just drama.
often times it causes people to walk out of my life.

well just so you know, its not fake. in fact, its very real to me. I have a chronic illness that may be invisible on the outside, but very real on the inside.

not only inside of me, but inside of my home & family that must take care of me when I'm down.

just because you haven't heard of POTS dosent mean it doesn't exsist. I'm not the only one who has it, I'm just open enough to share my story with you.

so think twice before you ofend to my face or behind my back.

but a BIG thank you to all those who support me and read my story. you are the ones who help me pull through when I'm out of strength<3

XOXO, olympas.

a night with support<3

tonight my baby nephew stays up with me till I fall asleep.

with POTS, it cuases sleeplessness. it sucks. the feeling of being so sleepy, yet awake. not my idea of cool aha.

well , my nephews like my brother. were gonna watch movies & do things pimps do untill I crash out. hopefully this is sucessful. I haven't slept right in a while.

wish me luck!

keep calm & trust god.

pictures speak 1,000 words, especially this one.
today my sister took this while I was getting ready. without realizing it until I looked at the picture, I noticed I was standing in front of my poster. looks kinda planned doesn't it? (;

have no fear. its not haha

a while back I had gotten this poster because I thought it looked pretty cool. every now and then when I find myself freaking out for no particular reason, I look over to it and it helps me put things into prespective.

every glance reminds me god is in control. his plans are higher than mine, and his good is higher than I could ever imagine.

this doesn't only go for me, but for everyone. whatever may be going on in your life, keep calm, and trust god. he knows what's best for you, and even though you may not see it now, everything really does happen for a reason.

accidental or not, this picture has meaning.

& so do you. live your life, because it is short.

my life is limited, but I am not. I have a chronic illness, but it does not have me<3

btw,here's a plus!
IVE BEEN FEELING GREAT c:

salty snacks & powerade have been my closest friends and haven't done me wrong, cheers to that (; & cheers to you, I appreciate you reading <3

my fight

sooo your probably wondering why I'm awake at 1:44 a.m. welp, POTS is your answer. above all the other wonderful symptoms it causes, sleeplessness is one of them. oh the joys!

well, the boots in the photo represent my fight.

the fight to have a good day.
the fight to be healthy as I can be.
the fight to do normal things without having an 'episode'.
& lastly, the fight to accept this is now my life.

you know, accepting that this is now who I am isn't quite easy. my mom always says, "there's no crying in baseball."

but she never said the ball was going to hit me in the face. yes, that's what it feels like.

today I passed out for a good while, how long? I can't remember. the whole time I was lying there I struggled for air. my body felt heavy, and in all seriousness, I thought I was going to die.

all I could think of doing was praying. as tears rolled down my cheecks due to the pain, I prayed. I knew I had to lace up my imaginary boots, and pull it together. I have no control over how long each 'episode' lasts, but thank God I have control over my attitude during the process.

obviously, I didn't die.
neither did my hope.
my walk towards acceptance is hard, but never impossible.

I've laced up my boots, and realized my lifes too short to try and figure out why things are going the way they are.

some situations can't be changed, and that's that.
thank you for reading, I appreciate it dearly<3

XOXO, olympassss!

lifes a camaign!

today I went out to support my neice who's running for treasurer! we watched her do her speech, then passed out cookies on her behalf. for you, this would be easy, a normal thing.

but for someone with POTS, its a struggle. the slushie and salt below were used to keep me from passing out in the heat. I had to be careful & look out for how I felt. besides my equipment used to keep me up, I felt great!(:

it feels good to help someone out since people are always helping me. lifes a campaign, support one another, agree to disagree, we can't all be winners. at some point in time, you will need help from others.

so remember, help because there will be a day you need it as well. I had a fun little adventure as campain manager(;

VOTE ANNALIESE FOR TREASURER.

juicy jay.

time for my IV fluids. I like to call them juicy jay(:

I'm here every 4 days, its gets old to say the least. but on the bright side, I have a great nursing team. its always cool to have support.

this whole getting poked all the time sucks, I think I should get payed for it? i'd be a millionare!

dystautonomia ain't no joke!
so much gatorade.
so many 'salty snacks'.
and not to mention the fact that it isn't garunteed to work.-.

for instance I passed out for half an hour today. that's talent I must say(;

despite my urge to cry, I laughed. there's light & hope everywhere, in every situation. since I found mine, its your turn(:

I have dystautonomia, but it does not have me. this is just the beginning, follow me as I go<3

hope lies everywhere.

this is my story.
2 months ago, my life changed forever. this view, I ran everyday.
my getaway, my life, was running. I had dreams to join CC , but in a snap of a finger that was all taken away.

first hospitalized for 4 days, noone knew what was wrong. random fainting spells, weakness, loss of memory.

every possible answer was thrown out there .drugs? stress? no it was worse. but the journey to find my answer would be long. constant trips in the ambulance, many ER visits later me & my family finally had the answer we were looking for.

dystautonomia.

no more running.
no more school.
no more tanning.
normal life was over.

this all came as a shock but all though my life is limited, my hope is not.

I hope to run one day.
I hope to repay everyone who has helped me.
I hope to regain everything I've lost.
but most of all, I hope to help those who are just like me.

I'm 17, here's my journey, follow me as I go<3